Introducing 'Too Small to Fail': The Pre-Pre-Seed Fund Writing Literal Little Checks

SAN FRANCISCO, CA—In a dazzling display of Silicon Valley optimism and fiscal prudence, a new pre-pre-seed venture capital fund named "Too Small to Fail" has raised an enormous sum of money so absurdly large, its founders admit they might struggle to lose it all.

"We're not just cautious—we're revolutionary," explained CEO Camden Wisp, speaking from his newly renovated kombucha tasting room that doubles as the firm's headquarters. "We write little checks. I mean literally—tiny checks, like those novelty-sized checks you get in a Monopoly game. It's symbolic of our commitment to minimal financial impact."

In an industry dominated by headline-grabbing nine-figure investments into companies that produce vegan air purifiers or blockchain-powered pet psychics, Too Small to Fail seeks the polar opposite approach. Their investment thesis? Give so little money that no one notices if the startup succeeds,…