"Servant of Lethality: Combat Support Commander Takes Both Concepts Way Too Literally"

Let us serve lethality to the proverbial masses

FORT REMORSE, USA – In a dazzling display of bureaucratic bravery and PowerPoint precision, the commander of the 413th Combat Support Unit, Lt. Col. Brent "Buzzword" Mallory, has boldly declared a new operational philosophy: “Servant Lethality.”

“The Army demands both lethality and servant leadership,” Mallory said in a recent all-hands meeting held entirely over Microsoft Teams due to "scheduling battlespace friction." “So I’ve decided to do both... at once.”

Servant Lethality—a concept no one asked for—is Mallory’s personal fusion doctrine in which he delivers weaponized empathy with the full force of a well-formatted Memorandum for Record (MFR). “I’m lethal in how I care,” he whispered while staring meaningfully at a junior NCO who had merely asked for a printer code.

While other commanders focus on live-fire ranges and readiness, Mallory achieves "kinetic effects" by …